Sonntag, 24. August 2014
#8
lulawidaba, 16:29h
I stood atop mount "interruptus", feeling the air brushing through my hair. Taking a deep breath I turned to Roman, who was staring at me relentlessly. A smile appeared on my lips: "I've lived here since I was born and I have never been up here," I confessed.
"Never? Not once?"
I shook my head. A little tickle went through my stomach giving me hope. Hope, that I might actually be falling for him. Because he deserved it. He deserved as much love as he had for me. I stepped closer and leaned in to kiss him. He hesitated: "are you sure?"
I nodded even though it was a lie. I felt like I was betraying another part of myself. A part I had tried to keep hidden behind a bright smile and a straight posture.
He smiled, mirroring my movements and leaned in as well. His lips touched mine and it felt... Wrong. It felt horribly wrong. Still, I couldn't jerk back I just couldn't. I knew it wasn't fair to him. all of this wasn't.
But the selfish person inside me wasn't able to think about being left alone. Being broken again because nevertheless I needed him. He held parts inside of me together that would crumble as soon as he left. I needed his companionship.
So when he leaned back to look at me I faked a satisfied smile and tried to make my eyes sparkle as if I was deeply, deeply in love.
I looked past him. My little village spread out to my right, with its perfectly aligned houses and yards. Like they were designed by a person suffering of OCD.
To my left I saw the city. Skyscrapers reaching for the sky, people small as ants running around in their stuffed alleyways, cars in a colourful range speeding over the streets. Because the day was ending soon the lights were already turned on and lifted the town of the ground.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?", he whispered into my ear. I ignored the arms around my waist that made the hair on my neck stand up in discomfort. I nodded. "It sure is."
We stayed like this for a while. I couldn't get enough of the view and I figured he couldn't get enough of holding me in his arms.
Then we drove back to my pathetic looking village, that was only a mountain a way from reality. He parked in our drive-way and I got nervous. Did he want me to take him inside?
I turned to him, still smiling the happiest smile I could manage, then I leaned toward him and kissed him. It was more a peck than an actual kiss. But before it became really awkward I told him I'd call him the next day and got out of the car. Then I tried to walk slowly instead of running like I was being chased. Which really was my desire. I wanted to run away from the guilt I felt toward him and I wanted to run from the betrayal inside of me.
"Never? Not once?"
I shook my head. A little tickle went through my stomach giving me hope. Hope, that I might actually be falling for him. Because he deserved it. He deserved as much love as he had for me. I stepped closer and leaned in to kiss him. He hesitated: "are you sure?"
I nodded even though it was a lie. I felt like I was betraying another part of myself. A part I had tried to keep hidden behind a bright smile and a straight posture.
He smiled, mirroring my movements and leaned in as well. His lips touched mine and it felt... Wrong. It felt horribly wrong. Still, I couldn't jerk back I just couldn't. I knew it wasn't fair to him. all of this wasn't.
But the selfish person inside me wasn't able to think about being left alone. Being broken again because nevertheless I needed him. He held parts inside of me together that would crumble as soon as he left. I needed his companionship.
So when he leaned back to look at me I faked a satisfied smile and tried to make my eyes sparkle as if I was deeply, deeply in love.
I looked past him. My little village spread out to my right, with its perfectly aligned houses and yards. Like they were designed by a person suffering of OCD.
To my left I saw the city. Skyscrapers reaching for the sky, people small as ants running around in their stuffed alleyways, cars in a colourful range speeding over the streets. Because the day was ending soon the lights were already turned on and lifted the town of the ground.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?", he whispered into my ear. I ignored the arms around my waist that made the hair on my neck stand up in discomfort. I nodded. "It sure is."
We stayed like this for a while. I couldn't get enough of the view and I figured he couldn't get enough of holding me in his arms.
Then we drove back to my pathetic looking village, that was only a mountain a way from reality. He parked in our drive-way and I got nervous. Did he want me to take him inside?
I turned to him, still smiling the happiest smile I could manage, then I leaned toward him and kissed him. It was more a peck than an actual kiss. But before it became really awkward I told him I'd call him the next day and got out of the car. Then I tried to walk slowly instead of running like I was being chased. Which really was my desire. I wanted to run away from the guilt I felt toward him and I wanted to run from the betrayal inside of me.
... link (0 Kommentare) ... comment
